The Fallacy of Friendship Breakups

I used to think friendship breakups didn't count as real breakups. I'm not sure where I picked that up, maybe from every film where the heartbreak plot is always romantic and the friends are just there to hand over tissues and ice cream. So when a friendship of mine fell apart earlier this year, I kept waiting for permission to be as upset as I actually was, and it never came.

We'd been close since year 7. By then I'd picked up all the small habits that made her so special to me. I knew which language she spoke in when she was angry, what silly jokes would make her giggle, exactly how to comfort her when she felt sad. So when it all stopped, I was suddenly watching her from the sidelines, a stranger I knew everything about.

At first, I told myself this meant it wasn't a big deal. Nobody said anything cruel, really, we'd just drifted because our timetables meant we couldn't see each other anymore. But I'd catch myself still saving things to tell her out of habit, then remembering there was no one to tell them to. That's when I realised the fallacy. We treat friendship breakups like they're lesser because romantic love was never part of the equation, as if that absence makes the relationship count for less.

What actually helped wasn't getting over it faster. It was admitting the loss was real in the first place, out loud, to someone who wouldn't tell me to just make new friends. Once I stopped minimising it, I stopped needing it to look like a dramatic ending to justify how much it hurt.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, what I think is truly important to hear is this: you don't need a fight or a betrayal to earn the right to grieve a friendship.

Author: Anonymous